Jennifer Lopez, Charli XCX, Selena Gomez Highlight the 2014 American Music Awards Red Carpet Hotties

As usual, I'm forced to take back all my mockery of the musical craptastic that is the American Music Awards. As always, the 2014 version may be a celebration of some true auditory torture, but it remains one of the single biggest night of decked out Hollywood hotties goodness of the year. There's something to be said for that. That thing is mostly just 'thanks'. Wow, the process of sextastic pop divas and celebrity invites was just unending tonight.

Some of my favorites were Jennifer Lopez, just so smoking hot, Charli XCX ogle worthy for sure, Selena Gomez form fitting goodness, Kate Beckinsale, Heidi Klum, Kendall Jenner, Nicki Minaj, Zendaya Coleman and many more looking outrageously fine. Check out the ladies. If you watch the show, well, that's on you. I'd keep it on mute, then you might have something to store in the visual vaults. Enjoy.

Sophie Monk Naked In Playboy? Okay, I Can Do That


At least one superfan of Egotastic! got his male panties in a bunch about us omitting super fine Down Under models and actress Sophie Monk from our archive of Bunny magazine favorites. You know I'm more sensitive than a teen girl experiencing puberty in an all male household, so I hereby bequeath to that fine fellow the perfect female form of Sophie Monk thanks to our friends at PlayboyPlus.

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Sophie isn't just another great looking Australian blonde with killer eyes and even more dangerous sweet pies. She's one of the elites. The cream of the sextastic crop of Southern Hemispheric babes who put shrimps on the barbie and have contagious laughs. I could be happy with a woman like Sophie Monk keeping my bed warm, even if that was by means of petrol and a match after she discovers I spent the evening with Elle Macpherson. Dare to dream big, you might just land somewhere decently obscene. Enjoy.

Thank God It’s Funbags! Ancilla Tilia Topless Blonde Dutch Teat Treats For Pure Soothing


If you're like me, you've had a long week. And this is before one single present for Christmas has been purchased or you've figured out the excuse to tell Aunt Helen her marshmallow yams make you want to vomit. In short, next week will be longer. But there's no problem so profound, no conundrum so vexing, that it can't be assuaged greatly by one fine blonde woman and her stellar bare melons. You may laugh. I truly believe this.

So many of you went heels over head for Dutch hottie actress and model Ancilla Tilia last week, but only EgoReader 'David M.' has the season of giving spirit to provide some of his favorite faptastic examples of Ancilla's truly fine and bodacious bosom work. Oh, my. I'm feeling better already. I'm not prepared to say sweet delicious teats can entirely replace football and beer, but I am prepared to say that trifecta is how I imagine heaven. Thank God It's Funbags!

Awesomely Horrible Netflix Instant Films: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2- The Secret of the Ooze

Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!

I was in the 7th grade when the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie came out. That was precisely the right age to truly fall in love with the four wisecracking turtles and their martial arts exploits. I was also a huge fan of the cartoon series that popped up after it. So, you can imagine that I was very excited when they announced a sequel. Even at the age of 12 I knew that it would be hard to make a movie as amazing as the first one. I was right. The resulting film is nowhere near as good as the first one, though it does have the single greatest song of all time...Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap.

Secret of the Ooze picks up right where the other movie left off. The Turtles believe that the Shredder and the Foot Clan have been defeated and all is well. But guess what? Shredder somehow survived being crushed in a trash compactor. Intrepid reporter April O'Neil does an investigation into a company that has been dumping toxic waste around the city. Splinter suspects that this waste is the ooze that turned them into giant mutants. The Foot steals the ooze and creates Tokaa and Rahzar, two mutated animals of their own. Their new buddy, a pizza delivery guy, infiltrates the Foot to find the ooze and whatnot. The Turtles then have to defeat the mutants while trying to save Donatello who gets kidnapped. They discover that fire extinguishers can reverse the process and they revert the animals back into small beasts. Shredder then consumes the ooze and becomes Super Shredder. Fortunately, he weighs too much and he falls through the dock and drowns. Pizza Time!

Did I mention there is a dance battle sequence to the Vanilla Ice song? Well, there is. Look, this is a craptacular movie. I know you may doubt it but watch it again as an adult. Still, the animatronics and puppets made by the Hensons is amazing and it's a fun movie even if it is REALLY dumb.

Miranda Kerr’s Mighty Cleav And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Miranda Kerr's cleavage lit up all of New York City. (The Superficial)

Tara Reid is actually looking pretty hot again. (TMZ)

Roselyn Sanchez wears a see-through outfit to the Latin Grammies. (Huffington Post)

Christina Milian's nip goes peek-a-boo. (Drunken Stepfather)

Paz Vega's cleavage is muy caliente! (Hollywood Tuna)

Lisalla Montenegro wins Instagram with this bikini pic. (Popoholic)

Greer Grammer is miss Golden Globes and I'd like to see her Golden Globes. (COED)

Emily Ratajkowski Cleavy Hot Leggy Sizzles for the Foreign Press

Emily Ratajkowski is showing up to more and more places in clothes. It's kind of a mixed bag. While I always dream of her extensive unclad work, it's always a blessing to see a super sextastic young woman in her cleavy finest at events such as this Hollywood Foreign Press bit of nonsense two months still ahead of the Golden Globe Awards. The awards season in Hollywood is pretty much a year round thing now, which I would complain more about save for the likes of Emily Ratajkowski looking like the dream girl I had hoped to take to the prom (no offense to Andrea and her back brace naturally, we had good times).

My verdict is in. I will allow Emily to be seen in clothing, at times, provided she obtain my prior written consent and I can still see enough skin to receive a material levels of tingles. This current leg and chest show meets the standard. I approve! Enjoy.

Early Xbox One Adopter? Microsoft Freaking Loves You; Has Gifts

If you really know your gaming shit, you’ll remember the sad plight of the 3DS. Its 2011 launch was, in corporate terms, a farcetacular disaster. What with the price and rumors of the 3D effect melting people’s freaking eyeballs right out of their sockets, sales were fairly awful.

Price cuts and other such big-business shenanigans saved it, but early buyers were pissed. So much so, Nintendo pulled the Ambassador Program out of their asses; a series of free downloadable games available only to those who bought the handheld at its original, too-damn-much price.

Three years later, here’s Xbox One. It didn’t quite hit store shelves ass-first, but nor has it been the sales sensation it could have. The next-gen hype train promised much, and has failed to really deliver a killer app in a year of trying.

Fear not though, spangly new console owners. Microsoft are here to remind us that they do love us. No, really. Sure, they don’t call as often as they should, but they’ve been busy. What with the new baby and the move and all. But hey, presents.

If you’ve bought an Xbox One in the last year, quoth Kotaku, you’ve got a magical email of free stuff coming at you down your Internet-pipe as we speak. Early adopters are being rewarded with an exclusive Year One gamer picture, backgrounds for the console and free time-limited rentals (of Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn and Dragon Ball Z: Battle of the Gods).

If that's not enough for you (which it isn’t, because it’s a bit wank frankly), you’ll also be entered into draws to win everything from limited edition console bundles to a GTA Online Tiger Shark cash card ($200,000 in-game GTA dollars).