I will admit, I haven’t stepped in a brick and mortar store that doesn’t purvey lingerie in over seven years. I’m entirely an online shopper. If I can’t buy it through a site where my credit card and identity can be compromised in nanoseconds, I’m not interested. That being said, I think I could be lured back to the mall proper if more lovely young ladies were sporting the shopping wardrobes of Sophia Bush braless and cleavetastic for the season. Wow, what a stunner. Were I ringing her up at the register, I’d fumble for at least thirty minutes and then inevitably ask her for three forms of ID, one of which must be a body part.
Bless you and your sweet barely covered funbags, Sophia. You put the joy in the Season of Joy, the giving in the Season of Giving, and the lump of coal in my shorts. I think that’s coal. Black Friday kills. Peace out. Enjoy.
Happy Hump Days are here again, the day before Thanksgiving, or two days before countless numbers of older women will be needlessly trampled to death so somebody can get twenty-five bucks off a Nintendo. Ok, semi-needlessly. Still, during this season I mostly turn my thoughts to more pleasant feelings of gratitude and thanks for those special people in my life. The very special ones like Ewa Sonnet who ever so benevolent is pouring honey onto her bodacious bare bosom to celebrate the bounty of the earth. Or something like that.
Sure, there’s peace and tranquility and sustenance and familial bonds and other swell things to pay homage to this Thanksgiving. And I will. But ever so secretly whilst dining on tryptophan and gravy, I will be thinking of Ewa’s glorious rack and the real meaning of the holiday dedicated entirely to thanks. Huzzah!
Irina Shayk in a bikini will make you drool like a cartoon wolf. (Popoholic)
Eva Longoria bends over and shows off her bikini-clad booty. (Drunken Stepfather)
Rachel Mortenson in lingerie is hotter than your girlfriend in lingerie. (Hollywood Tuna)
Phoebe Price melts a snowman with her ginormous funbags. (Dlisted)
Ronda Rousey can kick my ass any day. As long as she is touching me, I don’t care. (COED)
NHL reporter Sydney Esiason is so hot I might actually start watching hockey. (Busted Coverage)
This is Mariana Marcki and these are her boobies in a bra. (Celebslam)
Maybe in 2015 I’ll finally come to understand WTF this bottled water company is doing shooting hot models daily in bikinis, lingerie, or less, and not actually selling any water. It sounds like a sinister enough plan to meet sextastic ladies that I should have thought of it first. Oh, yeah, Bill’s Nekkid Water, come on, ladies, get into your Nekkid costumes and let’s promote the shizz out of the bottles I fill in my sink. It just might work, though my evil schemes do tend to fail at a rather astonishing rate.
The opposite of fail is the delicioous Kat Torres preening in her little black lace lingerie for the cameras. Water, vitamins, rabid pit bulls, I’d buy anything Kat Torres in silk and lace was selling. I have a hard time saying no to fully dressed women. This, well, just tell me what my order is and I’ll hand over my Discover card for a swiping. We are but lambs before the hottie slaughter. Enjoy.
Fresh off the heels of complaining about lack of privacy in her bikini twerking yacht trip, Katy Cocktease did a little holler back of her own by wearing a see-through skirt to the Aria Awards in Australia. I have no idea what the Aria Awards are for, but if the category is Hottest Pop Star in See-Through Skirt Whose Funbags We Are Dying to See, well, I hope Katy had her acceptance speech ready.
As usual, Katy was adorned in proper undergarments keeping us from seeing anything beyond the tease level. Still, not many tease quite as expertly or perhaps more frustratingly as Katy. How we’ve managed to maintain interest in yelling at her to show us her fine melons for five years straight is probably a testament to her enduring underlying allure. Most guys give up on girls after, oh, about five minutes of trying. Katy has that special something something that keeps you coming back to bang your head against the wall over and over again. That’s pure raw sextastic power, my friends. Enjoy.
Christina Milian is one underrated hero of mine. I like to think I’m one underrated hero of hers as well, though I doubt she’s leafing through photos today of me without my underpants on looking all kinds of distant and serious. Though it’s possible she is. I have sent her so many.
In this ‘We Are Pop Culture’ photoshoot, Christina Milian shows her true talents as a hot Latina who so often gets overlooked in ‘best of’ lists, but who every time we see her manages to layer in another sextastic set of poses, pokes, and pants-less bits of visual delight. She might be a handul. She might be two handfuls. All the better. Christina, you complete me. Or, you could totally complete me if only you allowed me five minutes of your time and a promise not to giggle. Enjoy.
I don’t know exactly what BodyLab is, but I’m going to guess it’s a not inexpensive formula for women to look like Jennifer Lopez in their 40′s. If only that kind of magical elixir really could be bottled. I’d probably mix some into my Yoohoo and vodkas in the evenings. But, alas, an asstatic and amazingly alluring body like Jennifer’s only can be granted directly from heaven. Though that didn’t stop BodyLab from paying Jennifer to look her darndest pimping their product. And she absolutely looks her darndest.
As Thanksgiving rolls around, it’s always a good time to ponder those things that mean the most to you in your life. Family, friends, well-being, bounty, and booty. In no particular order if it’s my list. J-Lo’s mighty Latina thumper, oh, that definitely blossoms forth from the cornucopia of my dreams. Enjoy.