‘GTA Online’ Hosts its San Andreas Anniversary Weekend

Has it really been ten years? Ten years since CJ, mothereffin’ combine harvesters and the piss-poor simu-sex of the Hot Coffee mod? Well, of course it has. That’s what I’m telling you. Pay attention, damn it.

Yes indeed, October 26 marks the tenth anniversary of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. This was the game that wanged the seminal series into the third dimension (sure, GTA 3 had already done so, but this one did it with much more panache and/or badassery). It’s still regarded by many as the PS2‘s best, and right up there with the greatest ever made.

So let’s celebrate its decade-iversary in style. Or, we could follow GTA Online’s lead, and have a half-assed and slightly wank little party in its honor.

If you’re well-versed in the ways of Online, you’ll know the deal. DLC packages are a small crop of new vehicles/weapons/missions, and special occasions? They get the ol’ double XP treatment. Hold on to your scrotes for the wildest, drunkiest, vehicle-suspension-upgrades-now-25%-off-iest partay you ever went to.

Yep, San Andreas-themed tees and double GTA$/RP can all be yours for one weekend only. What a time to be alive.

Via IGN.

The Bella Twins Flashing Their Cleavy Twins Out in West Hollywood

The wrestling diva twins, Nikki Bella and Brie Bella decided to give Tinsel Town a little taste of their moves last night leaving a fancy restaurant where I go looking for scraps after hours to feed my dog Mr. Featherstone and occasionally he shares with me, which is nice and keeps me going for a few more days.

Nikki and Brie are known for their dramatic storylines, two-timing, gut punching moves in the well staged drama that is the WWE. If you're not sure what is real and what is not real, I'd err on the side of the former, including when describing certain indisputably eye popping elements of the twins fine lady parts. They do present a must-see package in double time. Four funbags for the price of... well, like they say, if you have to ask, you can not afford. Fair enough, I ogle thusly from afar cleavetastic twins. Enjoy.

Iris Kavka Bikinis Like A Pro And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Iris Kavka is spectacularly sexy in these bikini pics. (Hollywood Tuna)

Drya Michelle shows off some cleave and discusses sex life. (TMZ)

Jamie Lynn Sigler has a spectacular pair of paisans, if you know what I mean. (Drunken Stepfather)

Daniela Lopez Osorio is raising my heart rate in these sportswear pics. (Popoholic)

Chrissy Teigen forgets to wear a shirt and it's good. (The Superficial)

Cara Delevinge grabs her boobies to save your nuts. (COED)

Lisa Ann shows off funbags and shows off new boyfriend. (Busted Coverage)

Camille Rowe Topless From Angels By Russell James

 

The lovely Camille Rowe took some sexy topless pics by Russell James for his Angels photo book. They are in black and white, so you know they are all tasteful and stuff. Camille is pretty seriously hot. Like, more than your usual naked model type person. She looks like no one you see in everyday life unless you are one of the lucky bastards that gets to hang out with models all the time. Her boobies are superlative. You can tell because one of the pics is an extreme closeup of her nipple. It's one of those slightly upturned pixie nips that look playful yet down for business. She's also got an incredibly pert and tight bottom. I'd like to smack that butt, however that is how you get put in jail. So, I will have to settle for giving it a sexy slap in my mind. Alas.

I like black and white nudes. It makes me feel like I'm less of just a horndog ogling chicks and more like I'm appreciating art or something.

Genevieve Morton Bikini Outtakes Are Nipple Poking Fun Times

Genevieve Morton simply has one of the finest bikini bodies on this planet. At least the parts that we've mapped as of yet. Body mapping is my specialty, you should see my protractor. Ahem. The point is, Genevieve Morton is the current toast of the bikini modeling world, having gotten her big SI break to become a much bigger name, face, and most definitely body in the world of two piece hot swimsuit pimping.

In these outtakes from Gavin Bond's bikini pictorial, and yes, outtakes are always better than intakes, Genevieve shows that even in her photos that didn't make it to press, damn, she is one outrageously sextastic nipple poking buxom vixen. I really do envy the sun for touching her with its rays. Though maybe a tad more envy toward her boyfriend who gets to touch her with more than just UV rays. Oh, to be the man who gets to ice down those headlights for photoshoots. Dare to dream the perfect job dream. So hot. Enjoy.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: When ‘Dead or Alive’ Takes its Love for the Boobtastic Too Far

The notoriously norky Dead or Alive loves the tits. It loves them even more than we do, and that’s some impressive dedication right there.

The jugged-up fighter has been wobbling, jiggling and gravity-defying since 1996, and they’re damned if they’re going to stop now. The formula has been refined down to 'sweat physics,’ which make skimpy tops increasingly see-through as they fight. So, clearly, we’re nearing the pinnacle of perky perfection.

Well, not so much 'perfection.’ These bouncier-than-two-trampolines-in-a-hurricane boobs couldn’t be any less realistic. But these mad bastards know what they like, and they’re sticking with it. Which has now led to... this.

Yep. If the bounciest bounce that ever bounced isn’t already enough mothereffin’ bounce for you, Dead or Alive 5: Last Round is here to help. The latest series innovation is the Yawaraka (‘softness’) Engine, which Kotaku reports is ‘...the result of attempting to up the visual realism of character skin in order to make characters look more naturally realistic on the latest platforms.’

And why the hell not? We all know why we bought our PS4s and Xbox Ones: for the ‘softer’ tits. Of course we did. As game producer Yosuke Hayashi says, "The reason that fans would think the game must be on the latest generation is that 'the girls look cuter [on the latest consoles]... Once you see it on the new consoles, you won't be able to go back."

We don’t know how customizable characters will be here, or just what we'll be able to adjust with this. All we know is that it’s just the latest step in Dead or Alive’s chesticle domination.

Via Kotaku.

TLC Cancels ‘Honey Boo Boo’ Because Child Molestation Is a Bit Too Real for Reality TV

Bad news, everybody. TLC has officially cancelled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, your favorite reality show about obese hillbillies.

The reason? Mama Boo Boo (actual name June Shannon, pictured here) is dating a convicted child molester who just finished a 10-year sentence FOR MOLESTING HER EIGHT-YEAR-OLD RELATIVE.

I wish I was kidding—about the child molester, about the fact that a mother of young children would date such a man, about the fact that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a television program that actually existed—but I am not. Apparently Shannon was dating the man ten years ago when he went to prison, and I guess the fact that he forced himself on a child wasn't a deal-breaker, because they're back together now that he's out.

As a result, this woman with no discernible talent, skill, or intelligence—who had nevertheless become the well-paid star of a famous reality TV show—has totally shredded her family's meal ticket.

When TMZ first reported the news yesterday, TLC's response was that they would be "reassessing" the show's future—meaning they just needed time for their lawyers to get all the paper work in order.

Today they officially pulled the plug. Instead of giving you an actual excerpt from their actual statement, though, I'll give you this rough translation:

"We thought it would probably be a bad thing to have a reality show about children living with a child molester. So we cancelled it."

Good call, guys.

[via THR]